Soooo, this post was supposed to happen a lot sooner and be a more upbeat, happier thank you, with updates on how we’re doing and maybe something about what posts were coming up soon (since more of my writing is the only thing I can really offer besides just actual thank yous and doing my best to recover from everything that’s been happening). However, well, we’ve basically been having the kind of luck that would make a younger me very certain that the universe was trying to punish her and it’s all been capped off by the car being towed away, presumably for repossession, during the night. So, we need help again. Still. And a whole heck of a lot of it.
(added a “read more” cut because, well, stuff happened. and kept happening, and I wanted to explain a bit)
This is an odd post to write because I am basically trying to make a case for my life at this point and a) that is something no one should ‘ever’ have to do (I am so, so worn out and beaten down by life right now, but I will still glare you into the ground if you even dare say that those who are unable to work or can only work part-time or otherwise don’t meet your criteria for societal usefulness and acceptability don’t deserve to live and live without struggle) b) it is bizarrely, sickly funny to me because I’ve survived so long and through so much terrible stuff and it may be finally having gotten (mostly – life is complicated, yo) out that kills me. And you know what? Recent months may have trashed my mental health and gotten me closer to suicidal than I’ve ever been (which, knowing my backstory, since it’s, well, mine, is … well, it’s something), but I still freaking want to live. I just don’t have enough fight left in me and it’s a struggle to try to write this, both for how much it exposes me and for how hopeless the situation seems (also because I still have to try to muster the energy and focus to do my work, even though I may be … out of the picture in two weeks). Also because, regardless of how much fight I have in me, you can’t turn fight into dollars and that’s the only thing that can save my partner and I right now.
So, basically, we need help and need help fast. And Ami Angelwings of the awesome comic art critique and humour site Escher Girls has been so so helpful the past few months in signal boosting and promoting us as we tried to stay afloat in a rapidly degrading situation brought about by long-term unemployment (my partner) and being low-income and disabled (me), but she’s finally tapped out in terms of finding people who haven’t already donated and I really don’t have any other avenues available to me. All I can do is take the risk of writing this post and then ask people I know much less well than Ami to share it and hope it spreads from there and actually works. [read more cut to try to make this seem less terrifyingly long, although I am already posting it on my site, not on Tumblr, for that reason]